bands i have no desire to listen to based on their reviews:

Apathetique Montmartre
“Like Smokey Robinson riding a drum machine through your high school geography classroom but even grittier”

The Sound of a Scrawled Comma
“A punch in the face from a dictaphone recording of Aphex Twin crying Sonic Youth jazzmaster tears after finding out he was never really adopted by Joan Jett and Slick Rick! Bravo, tSoaSC!”

COEXISTENCE
“Incongruously vivid, this is Habermas House for the generation that were too young for Shattered Chrysanthemum the first time around”

The Remember
“If Jason Priestley was Batman instead of Michael Keaton, The Remember would have replaced Jack Nicholson as the Joker or at least picked up his drycleaning for him”